Wickedly withering words from famous names including Madonna, Barack Obama and Karl Lagerfeld.
January
“Welcome to Twitter… @RupertMurdoch. I’ve left you a Happy New Year message on my voicemail!”
John Prescott reacts to the media mogul’s nascent social media presence
“If I’m just like a virgin, Ricky, why don’t you come over here and do something about it?”
Madonna bites back at Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes, after the comedian claimed the singer had not yet lost her virginity
“I don’t think we should go to the moon. I think we maybe should send some politicians up there.”
Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul responds to his rival Newt Gingrich’s suggestion that the US install a permanent lunar base
February
“Nobody wants Greece to disappear, but they have really disgusting habits. Italy as well.”
Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld on the euro crisis
March
“When was the last time you bought a pasty in Greggs?”
George Osborne gets a going over from Labour MP John Mann, after the former introduced an ill-fated tax on Cornish pasties
“Yes, because I don’t like him.”
Gérard Depardieu on whether he had agreed to play Dominique Strauss-Kahn in a new film
April
“We have a president, who I think is a nice guy, but he spent too much time at Harvard, perhaps.”
Mitt Romney, who has two degrees from Harvard, on the time Barack Obama spent at Harvard
“Shit to piss old white people off like you.”
Tyler, the Creator, after Newsnight’s Stephen Smith asked him what his music was all about
“When posh boys are in trouble, they sack the servants.”
Labour MP Dennis Skinner – the ‘beast of Bolsover’ – on the resignation of Jeremy Hunt’s aide
May
“Can I say anything good about Ken Livingstone? A long time ago he did some good things, but I can’t now remember what any of them were.”
London mayor Boris Johnson, on his Labour rival
“What you call austerity, I call efficiency.”
David Cameron shows empathy for the victims of cuts
“Not one I would use, it’s fair to say.”
Robert Jay – QC and noted lexicographer – gives his withering take on Jeremy Hunt’s use of the word “impactful”
June
“WMD.”
When Alastair Campbell knocked Armando Iannucci for accepting the “three little letters” of an OBE, the comedian responded with a few letters of his own
July
“How does anyone gain any political advantage from hanging around with a loser like Nick Clegg?”
Tory MEP Daniel Hannan is no fan of the coalition
“I feel bad that good tomatoes were wasted.”
Hillary Clinton, on being pelted with fruit in Cairo
August
“No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised.”
Mitt Romney, on claims that Obama was born overseas
“Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette. On the other hand, her sister … should only show her back.”
What a charmer, Karl Lagerfeld
“This seat’s taken.”
At the Republican convention, Clint Eastwood performed an ill-fated comedy routine with a chair, on which was seated an imaginary Barack Obama. The president later tweeted a photo of his actual seat, complete with the above caption.
September
“I’ve got a little bumper sticker for you: Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.”
Joe Biden, returning Republican fire during his campaign
“Never mind the deck chairs; today’s the day the captain of the Titanic rearranges the icebergs.”
Comedian Graeme Garden takes a dim view of David Cameron’s reshuffle
“I mean, this is somebody who kind of makes Michele Bachmann look like a hippie.”
Democrat Claire McCaskill on her Republican opponent Todd Akin, who differentiated between rape, and legitimate rape
“Perhaps a pillow fight got out of control in the dormitory.”
Vince Cable on the origins of the rivalry between schoolmates David Cameron and Boris Johnson
“I’ve been told that jokes about social class are not good for the unity of the coalition. But as a mere pleb, I couldn’t resist.”
Cable again, mocking Tory whip Andrew Mitchell for allegedly calling a policeman a pleb
October
“If he wants to know what misogyny looks like in modern Australia, he doesn’t need a motion in the House of Representatives, he needs a mirror.”
Australian PM Julia Gillard cuts her opposite number, Tony Abbott, down to size, after Abbott criticised another MP for misogyny
“Stop talking about how you care about people. Show me something. Show me a policy. Show me a policy where you take responsibility.”
Biden to Paul Ryan, at the vice-presidential debate
“This all dates back to when we were growing up in Kenya. We had constant run-ins on the soccer field, he wasn’t very good and resented it.”
Obama on Donald Trump, after Trump revisited claims that Obama had been born in east Africa
“At the end of the day, all he did was jump off a platform – admittedly very high.”
John Humphrys isn’t impressed by Felix Baumgartner’s 24-mile skydive
“I don’t look at my pension. It’s not as big as yours so it doesn’t take as long.”
Obama, during the second presidential debate, commenting on Romney’s wealth
“Taking sartorial advice from a man who is quite clearly colour-blind is a bit like asking a lemming for directions.”
Jeremy Paxman did not take kindly to Jon Snow’s suggestion that he wear a tie
“Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets, because the nature of our military’s changed. We have these things called aircraft carriers, where planes land on them.”
Obama again, after Romney complained that the American Navy is the smallest it has been since 1917
November
“We are not urging you to go, but we are not urging you to stay.”
BBC Trust chairman Chris Patten gets behind outgoing director general George Entwistle
December
“I was told but don’t know for sure that Sigmund Freud had a vasectomy in 1927, obviously not soon enough.”
Fox News honcho Roger Ailes responds to criticism from his boss’s son-in-law, Matthew Freud. Matthew is also Sigmund’s great-grandson
The Guardian
